The Big Bandh Theory

All the dictionaries provide a similar meaning for a general strike. Generally, it is an opposition in which workers in a particular industry or country stop working in order to force their employers to offer them better conditions or higher pay.

It is a different cup of cha-ngaang when we consider general strike or bandh in our state. We have defied history; when it comes to redefining our own concept of bandh or general strike.

In full support of all the logical and illogical general strikes often imposed across the state, Manipur Masala today presents the Big Bandh Theory in Manipur.

Well, seeing the frequency of bandhs in our state, it is the high time to have a registered body that will cater to all the concerns of bandh mongers. I would, first of all, recommend a customer care centre. Anyone with any reason to call a general strike can fetch his/her concern to the CCC. It should not matter if the reason is logical or otherwise.

Well, a few criterions for calling a bandh are enlisted below:

  • If any Hongba, Chaoba or Tomba runs a poultry business and is facing some financial crunch, he has the full-fledged authority to call a bandh across the state.
  • If any kwa-zarda aficionado Enebemma or Echebemma from any leikai finds out that the quality of their zarda is being compromised, she has every damn right to call a bandh against the so-called pan dukan owner.
  • If someone else’ nganu lays its egg at your ingkhol, you can consume the same eggs. If the nganu owner asks about his nganu maroom, you have the right to call a bandh.
  • This one is for all the parents. If your son or daughter scores less mark in their annual school peikha, you must seek any type of possible help from All Manipur Bandh Koujaningba Party to act against the school authority.
  • Finally, the unavailability of mobile network can also be accounted as one valid reason for calling a bandh.
Still, our first priority is to form an autonomous body that will take care of all the concerns related to any type of bandh. So we should conduct a free yet unfair selection of the core members of the body. Candidates with a minimum experience of calling four to five bandhs so far can apply for the posts.

A theory and practical test will be conducted under the guidance of senior bandh mongers who have expertise in the field. For the theory test, all the candidates should write an essay on topics such as secret tips, tricks and tactics to make a bandh a super hit. For the practical test, all the candidates will be allotted a time period of one week within which they are supposed to call a successful bandh in their localities (not necessarily across the state).

In a few years, we can expect to include ‘The Big Bandh Theory in Manipur’ in the syllabus of political science, ethically approved by the board of education and university.

It is therefore the duty of each and every Manipuri to promote this theory across the state. We do not need any special measure to empower this theory. All we need to do is to switch off the sanity metre and plug on the gleaming moronic switch. It should not be a hard task for us since we are already addicted to a dumbfounded slumber for all these decades. And as long as there are enough yen-nganu for chaak chanaba, may more bandhs be called.

Three rounds of chaisen cheers to bandh mongers!

This article was published on 15 Sep 2013 
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