The Hypocrisy of Patriarchy

History relates us to many facts and figures about our origin. One thing that we have commonly observed is an entangled nature of patriarchy in our society. And as per the so called patriarchal rules, every man has the privilege of ‘khongbaan-chonglaga-kokpa’ excuses, no matter the number of times he is caught indulging in any type of immoral deed and perverted act.

However, there is hardly any such thing as an excuse, for the fair sex. She bears, and is regularly compelled to face, the brunt of ‘minok michei’ in the society, if she is ever found in locally defined uncompromising positions and situations.

To cite a simple example, when a married guy indulges in an extra marital affair, it is termed as ngaosinaba: nothing can be more innocent than this word. However, for a married woman, there are hundreds of jargons especially coined for her – a couple of them includes ‘lamchat naidabi’ and ‘oktabi’. And for your kind information, there is no intention for eulogising the women who have such big hearts to afford having/longing for multiple partners.

Adultery has a long history, as old as the man’s desire to dominate over other animals and species. Back in those days, I had heard many interesting stories from my elders. I cannot help but put a question mark over the chatna-pathap that we have created and followed over the years. The royal stories were the most attention grabbing: simply what a man does is ok but what a woman does, is not.

Stringent patriarchal norms were followed in those days. Even in the name of saadaanba chatpa or langfei chatpa, someone from the royal family had all the goddamn right under the sun to forcibly possess whosoever maiden his eyes feasted on. It was so common that there’s a particular phrase that sums up such kind of astonishing act and the phrase is ‘taaloi singda chanba’.

How the heck could anyone use force to possess someone against her will? Punsileipun semba should be more of consent between the would-be bride and the groom. How were such disgusting practices given a legitimate license in those days? In which suroong did our moral police hide during those days?

If we logically analyse, patriarchy and its related hypocrisies directly or indirectly account to some of the women-centric crimes that are incessantly going on in our society at present. I have randomly heard guys talking to one another ‘nupidi furaga thamgadouni’.

I cannot blame any specific Hongba, Chaoba or Tomba to culture that kind of mentality. Perhaps it is because, we have, for all these years, generously given them the license to treat us in any way they prefer to. We have become so used to their dominance over us.

It is a matter of great concern, rather an alarming factor, to helplessly succumb ourselves to the kusirashi nature of our male lots. Chauvinism is considered a legitimate practise in our society. A chauvinistic guy is applauded by his friends as ‘nupa thokpa’ while there are many terms for an anti-chauvinistic guy.

We know that a society that belittles the role of the women folk will never ever prosper. We do know that a society, where cultured crime against women is considered just another cup of daily chaangang, will take time to reform even a tiny bit. But, most of our guys are still not ready to join an anti-chauvinism rehab centre.

Unemployment and insurgency are not the only two problems that we have to deal with. A society sans gender inequality should also be a common vision among us and that is because it is one of the means to fight other stigmas.

Women do not need to beg for respect or love from men. Women are not supposed to subject to domestic violence, rapes or murders. It’s time we try to make sure men are refrained from making or allowed the room to make khongbaan-chonglaga-kokpa excuses. It’s time to end the hypocrisy of patriarchy. We have already had more than we can tolerate.

This article was published on 7 July 2013

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