The Big Bandh Theory

All the dictionaries provide a similar meaning for a general strike. Generally, it is an opposition in which workers in a particular industry or country stop working in order to force their employers to offer them better conditions or higher pay.

It is a different cup of cha-ngaang when we consider general strike or bandh in our state. We have defied history; when it comes to redefining our own concept of bandh or general strike.

In full support of all the logical and illogical general strikes often imposed across the state, Manipur Masala today presents the Big Bandh Theory in Manipur.

Well, seeing the frequency of bandhs in our state, it is the high time to have a registered body that will cater to all the concerns of bandh mongers. I would, first of all, recommend a customer care centre. Anyone with any reason to call a general strike can fetch his/her concern to the CCC. It should not matter if the reason is logical or otherwise.

Well, a few criterions for calling a bandh are enlisted below:

• If any Hongba, Chaoba or Tomba runs a poultry business and is facing some financial crunch, he has the full-fledged authority to call a bandh across the state.
• If any kwa-zarda aficionado Enebemma or Echebemma from any leikai finds out that the quality of their zarda is being compromised, she has every damn right to call a bandh against the so-called pan dukan owner.
• If someone else’ nganu lays its egg at your ingkhol, you can consume the same eggs. If the nganu owner asks about his nganu maroom, you have the right to call a bandh.
• This one is for all the parents. If your son or daughter scores less mark in their annual school peikha, you must seek any type of possible help from All Manipur Bandh Koujaningba Party to act against the school authority.
• Finally, the unavailability of mobile network can also be accounted as one valid reason for calling a bandh.

Still, our first priority is to form an autonomous body that will take care of all the concerns related to any type of bandh. So we should conduct a free yet unfair selection of the core members of the body. Candidates with a minimum experience of calling four to five bandhs so far can apply for the posts.

A theory and practical test will be conducted under the guidance of senior bandh mongers who have expertise in the field. For the theory test, all the candidates should write an essay on topics such as secret tips, tricks and tactics to make a bandh a super hit. For the practical test, all the candidates will be allotted a time period of one week within which they are supposed to call a successful bandh in their localities (not necessarily across the state).

In a few years, we can expect to include ‘The Big Bandh Theory in Manipur’ in the syllabus of political science, ethically approved by the board of education and university.

It is therefore the duty of each and every Manipuri to promote this theory across the state. We do not need any special measure to empower this theory. All we need to do is to switch off the sanity metre and plug on the gleaming moronic switch. It should not be a hard task for us since we are already addicted to a dumbfounded slumber for all these decades. And as long as there are enough yen-nganu for chaak chanaba, may more bandhs be called.

Three rounds of chaisen cheers to bandh mongers!

This article was published on 15 Sep 2013 

Donkey Monkey Swa - A Redefined Version!

Remember the game Donkey Monkey Swa that we used to play when we were kids? I bet it used to be one of the favourite games we ever played during those good old days. These days, we hardly find the children playing local games at the leikai lampaak and elsewhere.

However, this game, Donkey Monkey Swa, seems to have been redefined a little bit and has been reportedly playing within the realm of power paiba and power chalaiba kaangbu in our society.

In its earlier days, the game began in quite an amateur way. The fam-achouba paiba babu sahebs cracked the idea of redefining the game. Honourable Mr. Gorobi gave his full support and launched the game with the slogan ‘I want this much commission’. And as per the game, it’s but a strict rule to give Gorobi the claimed commission by hook or by crook.

The spirit of the game spread like wildfire from one department to another. Of late, most of our (echin enao kaina kouningdaba) security personnel have also become fond of this game. So, when they say ‘We want an Activa Honda’, they try to have it by any means. Even if that means they have to steal it illegally, of course with the help of a legal authority, consider they already have it.

Under a normal situation, security personnel are supposed to maintain law and order in our society. They are also supposed to protect us from thieves and criminals. Their presence around us should make us feel safe and secure.

However, it is a different glass of chaangang in our society when it comes to our security. They scare us like hell. We don’t want to have them around us because of many reasons more than one. Besides shameless acts like ekai-khangdana sen chaaba, waarak waatemdaba nature like ahal-laman khangdana khonda waoba, they have won another accolade – ‘Gaari huranbagi heinabi’. Beraney!

In a normal society, when we lose something we take help of the police to report the matter. But imagine the situation when we have to report about theft to the thieves. That would be like a ‘dassa nihey’ situation.

Wait, wait. The game does not end yet. We must not forget to mention one of the eligible candidates of this interesting game – the black marketers a.k.a. meeyamgi ee chupaga sen taaba kaangbu. Whenever there is a natural disaster or an economical chaos, they are the ones who earnestly play and benefit from the game. All they need to say is ‘We want price hike’ and the game automatically begins.

In every two or three months, petrol runs out of stock in our state (though the official reports always say they have enough stocks to meet the public demand). For many of us, it has become a habit to buy cooking gas cylinders only from the black market. Either we are too rich to afford anything that black marketers charge us or we are dumbstruck morons unaware of our action.

Every week and month, we need to have bandhs or general strikes that disrupt our normal lives. Standing for long queues for petrol has become a habit among our people.

Amid all these, the government who robs Tomba to pay Chaoba ardently enjoys playing Donkey Monkey Swa. So do our security personnel who misuse their power to make the society more ‘farangjai’.

We, the confused hoi polloi, prefer to play keku-lotpi with no courage for dhampa fongba. We are so used to bear the brunt of bandh/general strikes, petrol price hike and adu-ada price hike while the players keep on playing as much as they are enjoying the game.

Perhaps, leading a normal life has become something like rocket science in our state. Perhaps, the pursuit of at least a liveable society is going to be a long tiring journey. We must dare to remain optimistic. We must also remain as the mute spectators of the ongoing game- ‘Donkey Monkey Swa’.

This article was published on 1 Sep 2013