An Anti-Stereotypical Thought Singju!

We worship Goddess Panthoibi piously for two weeks in the month of Mera and for the rest of the year we are ready to consider our womenfolk are like the do-they-even-exist types. Manipur Masala presents an anti-stereotypical thought singju to unravel a few funny cases of stereotyping, which are intricately fabricated and juggled in our society for all these years.

Behind the masquerade of patriarchy, stereotyping is observed as quite an ethical norm in our society. To cite the simplest example, we generally observe that a guy who occasionally cooks or indulges in a bit of household chores for his family is categorised under the section of ‘maram mokpa’ or ‘gyaan taaba type’. He becomes an adorable person in the keiroleikai. If that guy happens to be a Pakhang, a list of leisabis would go ga-ga after him.

Alright, I do admire the type of maram-mokpa Pakhang or any nupa who lends a helping hand in the domestic chores of the family. But given a thought on it, it smells to me, a syndrome of hard-core stereotype.

In our society, the female lots in every family are occupied in a hell lot of household chores on a daily basis. There is hardly any admiration for a particular girl who runs her family catering to all the needs of the members of her family.

There is a sole consolation that a girl receives from her relatives or keiroleikai: ‘Echagi maram khumoksidi hayengwai mouga oiradi manem makuna yam paamdoipotni’. This insinuates how a girl is born to look after a family for her entire life—regardless of mapaam or nupa mayum.

A leisabi, before tying the nuptial knot, is expected to learn all the emungi kupnom besides mastering the art of cooking niche insaangs such as chagem pomba, ooti thongba, sareng thongba etc. Leisabihood days are synonymous to pre-marriage training time during which a girl has to attain perfection in every single household work. When it comes to work, the list is endless: wai teiba, chaak thongba, fee suba, emung loisinba (rolling my eyes) and what not.

Imagine the roles were reversed. Imagine a Pakhang doing all these household activities on a daily basis just to become eligible as an ideal Yumgi Nupa after his marriage. I would not mind hosting an event in pursuit of the most maram mokpa nupa of the year simultaneously showering him with gifts and blessings. There would even be benedictions such as ‘afaba nupi fangjaro’.

Well, the ground reality is not so fascinating. Our society has so many funny hocus-pocuses about culturing the norm of stereotyping. We have tinctured many stereotyped beliefs on our mind. All of us are accustomed to the beliefs of shumaang matonda fanek fouba touheide; except u-rok sumjeet, guys are forbidden to touch the broom and the most interesting one: nupana eru ludana chaak thongbadi yai, nupinadi yaade.

I do not have the slightest intention of waging a gender war. But I honestly believe it’s high time that we change our mindsets on sexuality. So, in my Utopian Sanaleibaak, guys should cook on a daily basis; they should equally look after their homes like their better halves; and they should not mind if there is a Fanek hanging at the Polaangkhok right at the Shumang maton. Rather, mind the mess that is synonymous to Manipur today.

Until and unless we change our mindset, there is hardly any use of yelling at the streets or hammering the keyboards to speak out against injustice or crime against women that are continuously committed in our society.

‘Attempting to get at truth,’ to quote the acclaimed English journalist, Harold Evans, ‘means rejecting stereotypes and clichés’.

Can we attempt to come upon the truth? At least, try...?

Come on, it won’t be anything like rocket science. Let’s just do it. Let’s say ‘Goodbye to stereotyping’ and say ‘Hello to a free society’ where all the Leisha-Pakhang are categorised as Maram Mokpi/Mokpa and the ahal-laman enjoy themselves as audiences of ideal romantic nuances.

The world’s truly a stage. And I bet it will be a hit with equal improvisations from the two sexes, rather than just one. In so doing, I bet again that we will find more essence in singing paeans for Panthoibi Lairembi. The rest will follow automatically.

This article was published on 13 Oct 2013

The Hypocrisy of Patriarchy

History relates us to many facts and figures about our origin. One thing that we have commonly observed is an entangled nature of patriarchy in our society. And as per the so called patriarchal rules, every man has the privilege of ‘khongbaan-chonglaga-kokpa’ excuses, no matter the number of times he is caught indulging in any type of immoral deed and perverted act.

However, there is hardly any such thing as an excuse, for the fair sex. She bears, and is regularly compelled to face, the brunt of ‘minok michei’ in the society, if she is ever found in locally defined uncompromising positions and situations.

To cite a simple example, when a married guy indulges in an extra marital affair, it is termed as ngaosinaba: nothing can be more innocent than this word. However, for a married woman, there are hundreds of jargons especially coined for her – a couple of them includes ‘lamchat naidabi’ and ‘oktabi’. And for your kind information, there is no intention for eulogising the women who have such big hearts to afford having/longing for multiple partners.

Adultery has a long history, as old as the man’s desire to dominate over other animals and species. Back in those days, I had heard many interesting stories from my elders. I cannot help but put a question mark over the chatna-pathap that we have created and followed over the years. The royal stories were the most attention grabbing: simply what a man does is ok but what a woman does, is not.

Stringent patriarchal norms were followed in those days. Even in the name of saadaanba chatpa or langfei chatpa, someone from the royal family had all the goddamn right under the sun to forcibly possess whosoever maiden his eyes feasted on. It was so common that there’s a particular phrase that sums up such kind of astonishing act and the phrase is ‘taaloi singda chanba’.

How the heck could anyone use force to possess someone against her will? Punsileipun semba should be more of consent between the would-be bride and the groom. How were such disgusting practices given a legitimate license in those days? In which suroong did our moral police hide during those days?

If we logically analyse, patriarchy and its related hypocrisies directly or indirectly account to some of the women-centric crimes that are incessantly going on in our society at present. I have randomly heard guys talking to one another ‘nupidi furaga thamgadouni’.

I cannot blame any specific Hongba, Chaoba or Tomba to culture that kind of mentality. Perhaps it is because, we have, for all these years, generously given them the license to treat us in any way they prefer to. We have become so used to their dominance over us.

It is a matter of great concern, rather an alarming factor, to helplessly succumb ourselves to the kusirashi nature of our male lots. Chauvinism is considered a legitimate practise in our society. A chauvinistic guy is applauded by his friends as ‘nupa thokpa’ while there are many terms for an anti-chauvinistic guy.

We know that a society that belittles the role of the women folk will never ever prosper. We do know that a society, where cultured crime against women is considered just another cup of daily chaangang, will take time to reform even a tiny bit. But, most of our guys are still not ready to join an anti-chauvinism rehab centre.

Unemployment and insurgency are not the only two problems that we have to deal with. A society sans gender inequality should also be a common vision among us and that is because it is one of the means to fight other stigmas.

Women do not need to beg for respect or love from men. Women are not supposed to subject to domestic violence, rapes or murders. It’s time we try to make sure men are refrained from making or allowed the room to make khongbaan-chonglaga-kokpa excuses. It’s time to end the hypocrisy of patriarchy. We have already had more than we can tolerate.

This article was published on 7 July 2013

Goodbye to the Man's World!

Is it really a curse to be a woman in today’s world?

The endless number of shameless, ceaseless incidents of rapes, molestations and other domestic violence related cases shake off our sanity almost every day. What is further shocking is that the perverts have not even spared elderly women. Raping a 60-year-old lady — come on, that’s the height of barbarism.

Only a few of them are reported, while hundreds of similar cases vanish into oblivion, but not necessarily with the scar those incidents left in our society. Who knows every single minute a crime might be committed. We do not have a crime-tracing machine. The fact is we can never have one such machine in the future too. Simply because, we are still only an animal, slightly better than those animals in the wild forests.

As far as our reaction to any crime is concerned, we share our grief — over the bereaved’s condition as well as protest, remarkably for a few days at the lambi-sorok-lamjao. Then, after a few weeks, with our trademark collective memory we will forget almost every thing. We would possibly add one more story to our history, though we never learn from it. Long live the short-lived memory of the public!

After all, we do what we always do: mawong maalhanbagi eraang saagatpa. Sometimes, we have nothing better to do in life but kill each other. On other occasions, we would let more people come from every corner of the world and kill us.

The impotent nature of our system makes it more difficult for the families of the victims to follow up any concerned department to seek justice.

The issue of justice is in itself nauseating. Justice is like a moronic creature that is allergic to truth. It’s not only difficult but impossible to seek justice. And for the record, its reach is beyond anyone’s imagination. From underground to over ground, justice has bribed every one.

So, despite knowing what, how and where things have gone wrong, we never ever give a damn. In such conditions, being the other half is like making a useless sacrifice.

In our society, there are many who are in the pursuit of truth, liberty, justice and what not. However, there are only a few of them who stand by their principle and integrity. The majority always wins the vote in a lousy democratic nation or state. Hence, those with the right voice are always hindered from speaking out.

Meanwhile the pseudo revolutionary activists and whosoever stay in the limelight and are obviously considered the ‘Voice of the hoi polloi’ by the wakhal-thoktraba meeyaam.

It is the high time we refrain from the playing only the role of mute spectators. We have to raise our voice against these intolerable acts that are happening at every nook and corner of our society. It’s time to rise and raise our voice. We are not supposed to live with a triggered fear on our mind every single day.

We should welcome positive suggestions from all the sensible, hypocrite-proof citizens of our society. Let us stop amusing rapists, hypocrites and killers. They never had and they should not have a place in our society.

And to all the women, stop feeding the pride and arrogance of the male lots which encourage them to belittle and consider you as inferiors and later mal-treat you.

‘Courage is like muscle,” Ruth Gordon puts it succinctly, “We strengthen it with use”. Let us strengthen our courage. Let us not belittle ourselves. It’s not a man’s world. It’s not their rules we should follow. And they do not have any right to molest, rape or torment us on any ground.

Let us celebrate womanhood in a brave and bold way. I shall keep on following this space for a lot of workable ideas from time to time. Please do drop in all your suggestions.

This article was published on 23 June 2013