This Christmas, May I Bribe You, Dear Santa Claus ?

My Dearest Santa Claus,

They say your existence is just a myth. It saddens my poor heart every time I am being told that you are not real and that you never visit anyone’s home to present gifts. It’s been years I have always looked your way with this child-like hope in my heart for that surprise gift you would deliver on Christmas’ Eve.

Each and every Christmas’ Eve, I have been a little annoyed to have found no gift. But the other day, I was too elated to receive the SMS from your new mobile phone. Hey, it is really glad to know that you have got a mobile phone device now. All thanks to technology! And as you promise in your SMS, I am so excited to know that you will finally turn up this year. I am eagerly looking forward to your blessed presence in my humble abode. I will bake a rum ball for you, prepare the most sumptuous meal you cannot even imagine and yeah, sing a song for you from the core of my heart. Though I am not the nicest girl under the sun, I think I am more than eligible to host a Christmas party as you promise to visit my home.

Oh, I do have to clarify one thing. I have heard from a few friends that you can be honestly bribed for good causes? Is it really true? If it’s true, then may I bribe you too? Would you make true a few lists of ardent wishes I have? My Wish-List is here:

Please arrest all the miscreants in Manipur and lock them in a happy jail. They are patients of depression who need to get cured from their diseased mentality. You are the only one who can tame and direct them towards the jail. They need their share of happiness in the happy-jail. Instead of playing with bombs and murdering innocent lives, they should spend their time happily. Let a full stop mark the depression era.

May our cheap minister become a ‘changed man’ who is not chained by the classic-mania of 10%. You are the only guide who can discuss all the matters of the state with him, also educate him a little bit on how to care for people, other than himself and his family, and enlighten him that there are also things called policies for proper governance. And please, please, please teach him how to speak English without inserting ‘hai na’ in every sentence. It is embarrassing to know that he is really weak in English. Since he bunked 10% of his overall school days then, it’s pretty obvious that he badly missed most of the English classes. Please do something about him and for sure.

Please conduct a counselling session for some of our friends, brothers and sisters from the hills who think Manipur is only for Meiteis. We don’t need any proof or certificate to show it. Of late, I have acknowledged many views from their side that insinuate how they abhor us because (as how they think) we have been mistreating them. That’s a sheer fallacy. The smarter blokes from their blocks have availed of every facility from the State and Central Government and yet they would complain as if we have looted them. We have to stand united and work with one another to achieve growth and development at every nook and corner of the state. Also, tell all the non-Meitei and Meitei people to stop pointing fingers at one another. If they keep wasting time trying to find out insensible reasons to hate one another, growth and development will go back to their respective mapaams (errr... maiden homes).

So there are only three wishes. I hope you don’t have a puckered brow going through my wish-list. And if you are so far imagining why this silly girl has not wished anything personal for herself, let me affirm you that I want children in my home state going or coming back from school giggling and enjoying ‘achapot’ with their friends, without the fear of any impending bomb blast or firing encounters on the way.

I wish to see every married lady or unmarried girl indulging only in ‘akey-amou’ and all those attention and affection they deserve from their husbands or beaus. It’s really sickening to hear the news about the death of a man whose wife is expecting a baby. No gift from you can ever cheer up that lady or that yet to take birth child who will one day grow up with this sad reminder of how his or her father was mercilessly killed before he or she took birth. Doesn’t it pain your heart, hearing all this mess, dear Santa? I know it does and I am too embarrassed to admit that all these things happen in my state.

So, please, please grant my wish-list. I am hereby bribing you in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. And here is the song I have always sung for you every Christmas:

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it’s to ride
In a one horse open sleigh.

This article was published on Dec 25 2011
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